


Pretend You Love Me

by outoftheashes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 10, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bottom Gadreel, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Unrequited Ezekiel | Gadreel/Sam Winchester, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 22:45:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheashes/pseuds/outoftheashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam admits a secret to his brother he never meant to bring to light and seeks comfort in an unlikely source.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretend You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nishka Wolf (NishkaGray)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NishkaGray/gifts).



> Season 10 AU. Gadreel lives, Dean’s not a demon nor does he have the Mark, but there’s still pain to be found here.

Sam knew he was sick and twisted for years, long before he ran off to Stanford. When his friends were busy kissing girls and each other he was pleasing himself to thoughts of  _Dean._

He’d tried to stop, even had a few girlfriends. But between the constant moves and his obsession with his big brother they never lasted long. 

But now? This is the first time Sam thinks maybe he’s not alone in his desires. Dean winks at Sam in this way that makes his stomach flip, makes his breath catch. He keeps bumping into Sam, teasing. 

Sam wonders if it means  _more._

"You okay over there, Sammy?" 

Oh  _god._ Sammy. He wonders if Dean would still call him that if he knew it was always a trigger for him, made him crave things siblings never should. 

They’re in Dean’s room, both on his bed. Dean said Sam needed to try the memory foam, but Sam thinks Dean wants an excuse to be close to Sam. Dean’s newly cured, no longer trying to rip Sam apart with his teeth and it’s been… difficult to adjust to this, to Dean so fucking close all the time. 

Sam pretends to watch Fight Club, but in reality, his entire body is alive, screaming for Dean to touch him again. 

"Yeah, I’m. I’m fine," Sam says. 

"Dude, are you even watching this?" 

He sounds annoyed and Sam frowns. “Sorry. I’m, ah. Just thinking.” 

"That’s where the problem starts, Sammy." 

"Shut up." 

But Sam  _likes_ this. Dean’s making eye contact with him and holy fuck, he’s so close to getting hard in his jeans just from this. 

Dean leans closer, saying something Sam doesn’t quite catch because he can  _feel_ Dean’s hot breath on his skin. 

Sam snaps. 

It only lasts moments. Sam brushes his lips against the corner of Dean’s mouth and Dean immediately jerks back, eyes wide. 

"The fuck was that?" 

"Uh. Nothing." 

"Sam." 

_Fuck._

"I like you." 

Dean scoffs. “Duh. ‘Cos I’m awesome.” 

"Are you purposely trying to be dense?" 

Dean growls but says nothing.  _  
_

"I  _want_ you, jerk. Wanna kiss and bite you all over and—” 

"Woah!" 

"Make love to you." 

"Jesus." 

Dean gets up, not looking at Sam and he doesn’t even have to ask. His brother goes out the door without so much as a goodbye. 

* * *

“ _Dean_.” 

Sweat coats Sam’s naked body and he shivers at the chill. He’s tangled in the covers, fights his way out of them. 

"O-oh, oh God,  _Dean_ —”  _  
_

Dean  _left._

Because of Sam, because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Sam had told the one secret that he’d never  _ever_ wanted to breathe to anyone—

Now Dean is probably a state away, hunting God knows what, fucking God knows who and they’re not, they’re not  _brothers._

They can’t be brothers anymore.

"How am I supposed to do this without you?" 

The shock of it has already worn off and Sam can feel his eyes prickle and burn. 

If Dean were here he’d— 

No. 

Sam doesn’t want to think about that right now, he can’t. 

Time for a drink. 

* * *

He shouldn’t do this. 

He really,  _really_ shouldn’t do this. But it’s been weeks and Sam needs to lose himself in another body for awhile. 

Problem is, Sam’s not one for one night stands and his choices at the moment are thin. 

The angel that once possessed him is standing close enough he can feel his body heat. Gadreel frowns. “Are you sure this is going to help?” 

Sam flinches. 

"Probably not." 

The frown deepens. “Then… why? Why would you want to do this with me? Do you like me, Sam?” 

"Wow. You’re, ah, you’re not one for subtly—" 

"Because when I was inside you, you had eyes only for Dean and, and when I got  _this_ vessel back I knew that hadn’t changed. So I need to know why.” 

God _damn it._ Sam’s fists clench and he averts his gaze. 

"I need to forget." 

"You won’t." 

Such simple words, but they hurt all the same. 

"I. I gotta try. This is, it’s—" 

"I know, Sam. I know." 

Sam growls and lunges forward. He just wants this to go away, he doesn’t want to see the understanding in the angel’s eyes. 

Their mouths connect and the kiss is awkward. While Gadreel tries for sweet and gentle, Sam’s all rough and biting and—

It dawns on Sam the angel’s never kissed before. Doesn’t stop Sam from pulling the angel closer, though. In fact, it’s kind of… hot. And Sam feels  _guilty_ for even thinking such a thing. 

"Please… just. No more talking about my brother right now, okay? It’s weird. I just wanna have sex." 

"In your brother’s bed?" 

Sam flushes, wonders if he’ll still be able to smell  _Dean_ on the covers. 

“ _Yes.”  
_

"Okay, Sam. But I must warn you I have very little experience in such matters." 

"I’ll help you along. Just. Let's move this to the bed, yeah? Get undressed and—" 

Gadreel snaps his fingers and they’re both naked and the angel’s  _big_ everywhere. Already hard and leaking, too. 

"Seriously, get on the bed or I’m picking you up and  _carrying you._ " 

The angel raises a brow before moving to obey. 

He’s not sure if his brain is playing tricks on him, it’s been weeks since Dean left after all, but he thinks it’s there, that faintest trace of his big brother on the pillows. 

Sam whimpers. 

He bites his lip, hard and punishing and stares silently at the angel beneath him. 

"I… uh, can we maybe do this with you on your hands and knees?"

It’s worse that the angel doesn’t look the least bit surprised. 

"Of course, Sam. Whatever you desire, I will give it if I am able." 

Sam backs off so Gadreel can turn over and Sam fumbles for the lube.  _Do angels even need lube?_ Sam has no fucking idea and doesn’t wish the angel any unnecessary pain, so lube it is. 

And if Sam pretends it’s  _Dean_ he’s opening up while Gadreel hides his muffled cries in the covers, well, no one else needs to know, right? 

He does it the way he always imagined doing it to his brother and doesn’t take his fingers out until he hears, “ _please_.” 

"Are you sure?" he murmurs as he rubs his cock along the angel’s hole. 

"Do it, Sam. Please." 

And that’s it, Sam can’t wait. He presses forward and fills Gadreel up and  _God_ , it’s good. 

"F-fuck, De-" 

He tastes blood, that’s how hard he’s biting to force himself to not say anything else. It’s not fair, not at all and Sam knows it. 

"Say it, Sam." 

Sam stills his thrusts. 

"W-what?" 

"I want to hear you say his name." 

"No way—" 

"I meant what I said. I want to give you what you desire. I can be Dean for the night. Call me Dean." 

If Sam were a stronger man, he’d say no. 

But he’s not and he hates himself for it. 

"Dean, oh fuck, Dean—" 

The angel squirms and gasps on his cock, making sweet noises Sam wishes he could fully enjoy, but he can’t. 

"S-Sam, I feel, I think—" 

"Come." 

A few thrusts later the angel does just that, immediately going limp against the bed. 

Sam can feel himself going soft. 

It’s not working, he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. 

"Sam?" 

He shakes on top of the angel, eyes squeezing shut. 

 _I will not cry, Goddammit_. 

"Oh, Sam. I’m so sorry." 

He doesn’t know how it happens, but he’s not inside of the angel anymore and Gadreel wraps his big strong arms around him. 

When he gets a grip, he has to ask. 

"You know, that didn’t feel like you were fucking me." 

It felt  _intimate._

"I wasn’t. Sam Winchester, this was an act of love." 

He kind of wishes the angel had lied. Sam hides his face against the angel’s chest. 

"I don’t know what to say," he whispers. 

"Don’t worry, I already knew you didn’t feel the same." 

At least Gadreel didn’t say it was going to be okay. 


End file.
